Dear Sunshine,

There are times when I really do think that you and I need a break from one another, and that’s when your Father comes home and takes you out for dinner or to visit friends- without me.

The same exact thing happens every time, I start to miss you and wonder what adventures you’re having without me. I wonder if you hugged Miss Emily’s cats, or ate her yummy vegan food. I wonder if you screamed at your Dad to turn on Elmo for the entire car ride, or if you threw your water shoes at him while he was driving. I wonder if you’ll remember to say please and thank you when  countless adults cater to you and if your curls have escaped your pig tails for the 12th time today. I wonder if you’ve asked where I am or if you might be wondering how come I got to stay home and you were escorted out.

Maybe in the times that you are “out” I shouldn’t work in my office, surrounded by pictures of you. If I posted some pictures in this office that include you screaming I think I’d get more work done and spend less time resorting to private letters on a public forum; but then how would we tell the world about us?

How will I ever communicate properly how this relationship between you and I really is? The strongest bond any one person can ever have with another life form, so strong that you still define me in your absence. I’m so grateful for you my sweet Gracen. I believe in magical things now, because  you exist. And even when you challenge my patience and paint me with your sidewalk chalk, use me as a human Kleenex, and smear grape jelly across my face I still regard you as precious. I think they call that love darling.

You are bigger than the sky, brighter than the sun, my whole heart.

And tonight, I miss you.

Mama

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