This weekend I led the life of a jet setter- well sort of. I headed to Chicago to celebrate the pending arrival of my best friends baby. It also marked the first time I flew without my daughter. Getting on the plane I thought I might throw up- so its no surprise that 10 minutes into reaching a cruising altitude I ordered white wine, which helped rid me of the shakes.
Before I left town, my husband asked me if I would honestly be “happier” to be on a plane that crashes with Sunny, then without her. I told him NO! Of course not! But….that’s not completely true. I am not crazy, I do want my Sunshine girl to have an amazing life full of love and friendship and perfection- I just want to be there for every single second of it. So, if I were to die in a plane crash over lake Michigan then she would be left motherless and how could her life be perfect if she is motherless? Right??!!! You guys get it….Matt doesn’t get it, not even a little bit.
This isn’t the first time we’ve had this sad talk. We disagree about most things concerning death. He is more accepting and more faithful then I am. I am holding on for dear life- not mine, mind you- but hers. I don’t want a miss a second of her life, not one second. But that’s Motherhood right?
Anyway….I landed and I had the best time ever. I rubbed Andrea’s belly ( her belly is probably so grateful that I left), went out to clubs, and dressed in clothing that were not form The Gap or made of cotton! I felt like my former self- and it felt really good. My Chicago girls are all doing really really well. This was the first time I left my girls and did not cry and I think that might be progress. I miss them, each of them so much, it makes my heart hurt. But while I’m there they all come together, all take me out, all catch me up, all introduce me to the people in their lives that show them love and respect. I left this time around feeling like we’ve all grown up a bit and become more of ourselves. Everyone is happy and joyful and maybe most important to me- they are all together, taking care of one another. Last week I posted a little love story about my city New York- and it is an awesome place! But Chicago will always have my heart, because here in NY it is the energy that makes this city move, and there in Chicago it is the people. My friends are so important to me. Who they are, how they are, what happens to them; effects and happens to me.
The new baby will be here soon, and I will be back to hold her/him and that will be when it will be hard to leave once again. I’m certain there will be tears upon that departure- BUT in 13 years I have never missed an important moment and I never ever will- even if it means boarding a plane and leaving my baby behind.
Erin, Andrea, Tricia, Moe, and Heather & Michael- thank you for an unforgettable weekend. My heart grew 10 fold just being in your presence and I am so very grateful that you have chosen to be my friend; how very very proud I am of each of you. You’re made of magic, every single one of you.